Rock of Ages (2012)

Sarah said this musical about rock & roll on the Sunset Strip in the 80s was "terrible" (Phil just smiled, as usual). Jack and I didn't disagree with her, though we didn't hate it. Jack chose it for Fathers' Day because he wanted something "normal" after Sound of My Voice and We Need to Talk About Kevin. When the Broadway Across America touring company of Rock of Ages came through town, we sold our tickets, but thought that the stars in the movie version would redeem it. They didn't.

Sarah thought the only one who really committed to his role was Tom Cruise (last in these pages in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol) who certainly gives his all as rock star Stacee Jaxx, having taken singing lessons for his first musical and done lots of ab work in preparation for almost never wearing a shirt in this movie. But the soon-to-be-thrice-divorced Cruise isn't enough to save a movie, especially with a trite, predictable story and the bland stylings of Julianne Hough (one of the dancers in Burlesque and the female lead in the Footloose remake (2011), which we didn't see) and Diego Boneta (new to me) in the lead roles. Catherine Zeta-Jones tries but fails, even though she was terrific doing her own singing and dancing in Chicago (2002), as well as my other favorites of hers: High Fidelity (2000), Traffic (2000), Intolerable Cruelty (2003), The Terminal (2004), Oceans Twelve (2004), and No Reservations (2007) (the latter shares #3 on my list of food movies). Alec Baldwin (most recently in To Rome With Love) and Russell Brand (Get Him to the Greek) don't even try, even though it's fun to look at them all decked out in their wigs and all.

We also expected more from director Adam Shankman, who helmed The Wedding Planner (2001) and Hairspray (2007), among others, and choreographed all three and more. The screenplay is credited to Chris D'Arienzo (nominated for a Tony for the book of the Broadway Rock of Ages--who knew?!), actor/writer Justin Theroux (co-writer Tropic Thunder and sole screenwriter on Iron Man 2), and Allan Loeb (I listed others I didn't like in The Dilemma and then panned Just Go With It--the guy is a bad luck charm and it must be all his fault).

There are plenty of cameos and in jokes, and the song list is published here (Mary J. Blige appears sometime around the second act and performs on many of them).

We can't like everything, and this proves it.